Sunday, 14 February 2021

The Balloon

 Do you ever find yourself correlating objects to current circumstances in life....is that silly? Maybe you don't but this balloon has done that very thing and has been my faithful companion for almost 10 weeks. It was given to me by Emily our eldest daughter when I was in hospital undergoing the double mastectomy. The balloon seems to have reflected not only my demeanour but Larry's as well! It started all plump and high, but is now deflated and low....just how we have been feeling for these past couple of weeks!! But how wonderful it lasted almost 10 weeks......

It is also fortuitous that today happens to be Valentines day.....a pink heart for a special day that we don't seem to celebrate anymore! So why the low demeanour? Well I've decided we are both suffering from a very mild form of PTSD and why not given the marathon of the last six months? Going through this treatment has been life changing and being strong and positive can only be sustained for so long. Emily gave me this lovely candle at the beginning of my treatment and like the candle lid sentiment many others told me "don't give up", "be strong" and "you can do this" etc, etc. While encouragement and support is so very important it is also a very personal detour that only Larry and I could truly share......
But a burning candle always glows hope and a deflated balloon means that another stage in one's life has to come to an end. So with that I am happy to say we have worked through our low feelings to ones of optimism and happy times ahead (and we are always so grateful for family and friends).  Part of the process of acceptance was wearing a bald head out in public...not something I actually did but maybe showing it in public gives validation and strength on the detour. But then my hair started growing back and to be honest I was quite happy with the "new" me! But my hairdresser had other ideas and convinced me I needed some colour......all natural of course as I am not keen on chemicals. But that was a disaster and turned out a ghastly orange which I now have to cover for several more weeks. It was kind of a backward step for me and I am hoping to be a lot more natural in the coming months. Until my 40's I was auburn but have had some 'assistance' since but I would like the new me to be more natural.....a mixture of grey, blonde and whatever. I always said I would keep the bald head private but here goes......all part of who I was and hopefully never will be again......
But progress is also being made on the wound 'front' (no pun intended!!), as I have progressed from feeling like I am wearing a heavy metal spiked bra to a lighter barbed wire one (if that makes sense??!!).....jolly nerve pain I believe! But I have found a lovely physiotherapist who is doing some very painful deep massage right over the wounds.........as they say "no pain no gain"...one can still laugh when one tries! When we were out a couple of weeks ago (after the disastrous hair episode!), we came across this couple shopping in their matching outfits and that certainly gave us a giggle.......bless them........
And of course the younger members of the family always make us a smile and this extra large smile from darling Wade came via a message from his other Nanna for us.......
And after school a couple of weeks ago Maisie made us the most delicious afternoon tea for us (and some imaginary friends), all prepared in the sand pit......gorgeous girl......

They are growing so very fast and Beau is as tall as my shoulders......
In fact Beau turns 9 on Wednesday so I managed to make him a quilt that I just finished last night. He is rather obsessed with baby Yoda from Star Wars so I was pleased to find some baby Yoda fabric. A few drawings later I managed to get it all done so I am hoping that was good physio for me too. The quilting is fairly minimal but all that my body could do at the moment. I am sure he will be happy with it as he has seen the drawings. In fact he went looking for the quilt just last week but I tucked it away so he has a bit of a surprise on the day. I am hoping no copyright has been breached here on the blog but it is only for personal use for a very special boy.........

Our back neighbours peach tree has flourished but most of the crop is beyond our reach and by the time it drops to the ground the fruit is bruised and battered (or half eaten by the birds). But we have managed to rescue whatever dropped on our side of the fence and put some of it to good use including a delicious spicy peach chutney but as you will read further this will be the last year for that.........

A few days ago there was an almighty shout from Larry out the back where a tree lopper had misjudged and a huge branch came crashing down just missing Larry. The neighbours had decided to chop the peach tree down and you can just see one last remaining part of the trunk just over the fence. There is a lot more light on the garden now so hopefully the plants won't mind. We planted some pencil pines along the fence as well....our tiny spot of Tuscany! We don't usually see any sky looking at that first view so we will really miss the summer shade (and privacy)....
Since my last blog post I have received more special gifts in the mail including a wonderful jigsaw puzzle from Lynne who happens to be the Australian Liaison Officer for the Beatrix Potter Society. How lovely is that? Thankyou so much Lynne......
And all the way from California......a blogging friend Angie hand stitched this thoughtful cushion for me....thankyou Angie......
The cushion has been a comfort on the chest as I struggle to try and lie on my side. It's been 10 weeks of sleeping on my back and I am still not comfortable lying on my side but I know I am much better off than many who can't even move. I have also had great comfort from the seat belt cover that Michele in Queensland made for me.......so comfy thankyou Michele.........
Since my last post I have also had another visit to the operating theatre this time to remove the porta-cath from my chest......progress in the right direction! No room with a view this time for a shorter day visit......
I think there has been way too much self pity and self images this time so thankyou for reading this far......great therapy for me to write it all down! I will leave you with a new addition to the dusting regime that lives under our Morris lamp.......I couldn't resist it........

And some lovely images from mother nature on recent walks.....take care till next time x

6 comments:

  1. I think it is good of you to share the photos - others will realize they too will eventually get the hair back and with you sharing how you feel it might not make some feel to alone if you know what I mean - that what they are feeling others feel too. I think growing the hair out natural for awhile and see what it looks like is good - sometimes it is good to just do that and not add the color - the hairdresser I'm sure meant to make you feel good but if you do not like it as it grows out just keep having it cut to remove it and it will be shaped and nice color before you know it. It sounds like a long recovery ahead. I guess not all do the surgeries the same way when my sister in law went through a double she had the reconstruction done at the same time - they removed and then added - she did have to go back in for more surgery about two months later as it was decided one breast was not shaped the same way and had to be fixed. I love seeing all your peaches and that must have been a surprise for the neighbors to remove your shade! that will take some getting used to.

    ReplyDelete
  2. But you are moving forward..... both in your recovery and the garden. Carry on!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michele, I have been thinking about you so much.
    I enjoyed reading this today. YOU my dear friend can complain, whimper, and engage in self pity all that you want. It is good for us, when we are suffering and we have long reached the end of our tolerance.
    Larry knows the suffering and he is by your side, it is so hard so watch our beloved suffer, it is hard for both of you to be brave.
    I pray for both of you for courage and enduring expectations of much much better days
    It has been a long year. All of us have been with you in spirit all the way to this point,
    The yoda quilt is so sweet. I am sure he adores it.
    I love you Michele

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to disagree with you about the red hair Michele I love it LOL There will be lots of ups and downs, just hope the ups out way the downs soon. Thanks for sharing how you feel as it will help many others who read this. I went through this with my dearest friend 25 years ago and she felt so alone at times as people did not talk about it back then. You are a brave one for tackling chutney that would have been a work out for you. Or did you have an offsider. I could smell it cooking from here LOL My heart cried for the death of the beautiful peach tree. Love your brass snail and sorry you did not like the red hair it suited you. I had royal blue hair at one stage but that was when I was very young LOL Cheers Glenda

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for the update on your life at the moment, hopefully the healing process will continue positively and you’ll start feeling better. It certainly has been a traumatic time for you and your family supporting. Larry was lucky not to be hurt when the branch came down it could have been nasty. I love your latest Morris addition to the house, it’s gorgeous and so is your garden, good you had the energy to make use of the fallen fruit, it’s going to taste lovely when fresh is not available.
    Take care, lots of love and hugs from me and a special one for Sophie. 😍❤️❤️❤️💕💕

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Michele. What a tough 10 weeks. No wonder you feel like a deflated balloon. Thinking of you as you recover and thank you for sharing your journey, both the ups and downs.

    ReplyDelete

Thankyou for dropping by and sharing in my journey. And thanks especially for your lovely comments….I may not always respond (especially if there is no email address) but please know you are appreciated x